Maybe it’s still too fresh in my mind? Maybe it will always be fresh?
I had a bad mommy moment this weekend. Terrible mommy. Our Cora, the three (and a half) year old, got a sparkler burn on her cheek.
I’ve gone over the whole day again and again since. Nothing makes sense. So many areas where we went wrong. Why did we give a three year old a sparkler in the first place? Why did we keep giving her more and more? Why weren’t we watching more carefully?
I was only an arm’s length away from her and I still couldn’t stop it. The whole thing happened so fast.
Why do we give the most nervous child a firework? Why do we ‘do’ fireworks anyway?
A spark flew up and hit her in the face I think. One tiny spark. She, totally understandably, freaked out and took her hand to her face to say “ouch” and hold the spot that hurt. Only the hand that she took to her face held the rest of the burning sparkler.
Why didn’t we leave after supper like I kept thinking we should? Why were we so lazy and laid back about it all?
Her right cheek, burned and blistered within seconds. Within less than a second maybe? I tried to grab it from her. She was all over the place, screaming, me screaming, her screaming. Blisters. On my baby girl’s cheek. I tried to put something cold on it. We got the first aid kit out of the car. No burn cream. Down to the urgent care we trekked.
Why did we even do sparklers? What kid ‘needs’ them?
They were very helpful. All their check-in/check-out processes were a bit much. I understand, things they need to do. But checking her blood pressure? Checking her pulse? With machines. She was scared. And not happy about it. But so brave. So, so brave. No tears at the hospital. No screaming.
She got some salve and a bandage. I got a handshake from the town Doc. We left and finally, finally decided to go home. It was way past the time we should have left. Beyond. The kids were passed out before we got out of town (and this is a small town, 1000 people?, it doesn’t take long to get out of town).
But my mommy guilt remains. I can ask myself why a million times. Over and over again. There were many places in our day that could have changed the outcome. But now it is what it is. So I will hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. And I’m sure this is one of many times I will continue to do this throughout her life.
There is one thing for certain – we are done with sparklers for many, many years.
2 Comments
July 5, 2009 at 5:07 pm
your mommy guilt will remain, it makes us more cautious (but it doesn’t mean you are a bad mommy). But don’t let fear ruin the fun,
my youngest fell in a campfire when she was 18 months. We didn’t camp again for 10 years. When we finally did, we realized we had cheated her out of many years of good family memories.
July 6, 2009 at 3:20 am
There’s surely a lot of uninttend mishaps going on in our fmily but as a mom we surely equipt ownself with awareness n a lot of caring ability. I’d got 10 kids but yeah..tough but alright. Visit my blog n share.-
by the way I’m a Malaysian.
http://adziahaziz.blogspot.com