The husband balanced the checkbook. And pulled up the budget spreadsheets (oh, yes, spreadsheets).
He said “Kel, we need to talk about the budget” and I ran the other direction.
I hate really, really dislike budget talks. Sure I can talk a good talk and say that I’ll just use cash. But when it comes down to it, I use cash and then a little bit of the check card here. Or just this one tiny time the credit card. Or, darn, I really think I need that item there.
All those little purchases add up. And up until this year it wasn’t really a problem. We could count on the husband getting a bonus at work and it would cover most of the little extras.
Until there was no bonus. As in, this year there will be no bonus. As in about 20% of our income not coming in this year.
And cue me freaking out. Searching for a part time job in the evenings. Trying to find a way to make up the money.
And the husband remaining calm. And saying “Just use the cash only!” without realizing how hard that is.
There will be no extra purchases. We can squeak by with the expenses we have now and try to put a little bit into savings in case something big comes up.
And I’m left feeling extremely frustrated. And hopeless. And unable to understand (logically) how this is going to work out.
And the husband says “God will provide.” and I have to just sit with that thought a little longer.
So I’m trying to stay motivated. I try to stay positive. Some days that is easy. Some days that is hard. But the fact remains that I don’t have a choice.
I put away the apples from the store and I think thank you God for providing our family with enough money to feed ourselves fresh fruit.
I cross off something on the list that isn’t really a need but rather a “want” and I (try to) thank God for teaching me about wants and needs.
I say no to an activity at church that I want to do but costs a lot and there isn’t cash to cover it and I say thank you to God for giving me time with my family.
Things will have to be cut this year. We will be learning to live with less and enjoy more of the things we already have. A good lesson when you can get past being upset about it. I feel like God will keep giving me the same lesson over and over until I learn. I thought we had the budget thing figured out. But we shouldn’t have been counting on that bonus in the first place – it changes in amount every year, and this year even shows us that we might not get it at all. So thank you God for the lesson and the ability to learn again. And again. And again.
Dont let this stress you out. If kelly is not worried then you dont need to worry. The money used to stress me out, I turned everything over to Brock. I dont even know when the last time I looked at our bank statement. I understand how little things add up, I find my self at the store getting little things and then I check out and it over $50. Hang in there, you are not alone.
Kelly-it’s killer hard. I know this for a fact. And it’s hard to always have to say “no” to yourself when it seems like EVERYONE in the free world says “yes” to everything they want and need. You are not alone. In having to “deprive” yourself of some of your wants or in your freaking out…I have found that a)we never starve-hence the reason I’m always trying to lose weight
and b)God will provide “this day our daily bread”. You may not see tomorrow’s bread until tomorrow but that’s ok. Worry about today. And sometimes He just wants us to BE STILL and know that He is God and He will provide for us. I am called to be a SAHM even though sometimes I chafe at it and want to “earn money”, etc….(the etc being get out and be a part of the world) but when I do try to take my focus off of what He has called me to (full time mothering) then we seem to do worse rather than better. I was babysitting. We were not doing better financially. And you know what? 5 kids is harder than 4-especially when the extra one is another toddler! When I stopped babysitting that was about the time my hubby’s company let loose with some OT!!!!!! Amazing timing. We found out right after I found out I was (unexpectedly) pregnant with #4 that all OT had been cut for the foreseeable future! Talk about freak out…but we survived. All this (War and Peace Novel…geesh!) to say, you are not alone and you will make it!!!! ((HUGS))