Going to the hospital with sopping wet hair? The new way to show up looking dead tired and like you really care.

Check in is a breeze. They ask questions. Ask me to sign someone else’s paperwork. I was so confused that the insurance said “Sears Roebuck”. Ask me to sign and sign and sign.

The Husband stayed home to hold down the fort and do the morning to-and-fro school business. He maybe called to ask me what time to drop off Della. After I had told him many times. Details.

We sit down for five minutes in the waiting room. All the little ones were in their footed pajamas toddling about and chatting and waving at each other.

They call her name. Back we go. Weight check. A humorous try at getting blood pressure on an eighteen-month-old. Temperature taken. More and more and more questions. And more and more and more signing. And then hospital jammies. And “just a little something to help her relax”. That “little something” made my toddler into a drunk toddler with eyes half open and her head thrown back. Life was funny to this girl. She even smiled at the ear doctor whom she is definitely not besties with.

And suddenly they took her back. I sit in the waiting room and knit and watch a horrible Good Morning America interview with the Sir Elton John (maybe you saw it too? where he talks about Madonna and her upcoming Superbowl performance?). Bad, just a bad idea all around.

Practically as soon as I start knitting the ear doctor comes to tell me she did fine. I resume breathing. The right ear didn’t have a tube in it at all and the left one was loose. So both were replaced.

The nurse comes shortly after. My girl is waking up. We start the walk back together and I nervously laugh, “is that my girl?” and she nods. Baby girl is having herself a scream. This will continue for the next hour (meanwhile the baby boy next door walks out of the center completely happy and content while the parents stare at the crazy mom/toddler in my room. who me?).

She begins to settle on the way home but is still agitated. Screaming starts and stops. I try taking her outside. But she won’t really eat or drink much. Finally I decide to bake some chocolate chip cookie dough we have in the freezer, for me, not for her. Only she smells the cookies and wants some. And finally the girl eats and perks up and calms down.

We sat outside in the warmth yesterday for as many hours as we could. It was about 70 degrees (our previous recorded high was 60). It turned out to be a beautiful day. And even more wonderful is that hopefully the ears will be fine and the antibiotics can stop and the sleeping can start.

I did last week for the first time. I found two recipes on pinterest and had to try both!

The first scones I made were these chocolate, almond, coconut scones from Joy the Baker. They were super good. I love chocolate. And coconut and almonds are on the favorites list too. I cut mine into hearts:

And then I made Smitten Kitchen’s “dreamy cream scones”. These were even better though I prefer the chocolate in the first batch. I cut these into rough squares but ended up with some triangles on the sides:

I took most of these scones to church and kept some at home. This was my first time making scones and everyone really liked them!

:: living with kids – this one is great too, she furnished most of the home (99%) from thrift stores, craigslist, or garage sales ::

:: Alicia and Andy’s Home Tour ::

:: a bunch of new (to me) blogs ::

:: unplugged Wednesdays with a great link to a interesting interview ::

:: staying inspired ::

:: this nacho recipe had me craving nachos so bad that I made some for dinner ::

Well, today I’m outing myself on facebook. And twitter. And I’ll talk to you about it in real life too.

And I’m outing my week too.

My grandfather was taken to the hospital by ambulance Sunday night for surgery. He should be fine, he had surgery and is recovering. But it really brings the reality of how short life is to you when loved ones are sick.

See the post below about our budget? I applied for a job. Kind of on a whim. I didn’t think I would really do it. And then they called for an interview. I did that last night. Not a single soul (besides Kelly) knows about this. Until now I guess. It’s retail, that’s about the only thing I can do in the evenings and weekends. And we can’t afford to put the kids in daycare. Do I want a job? Do I want to work? Will I even take it if they offer? I don’t know.

This morning I had a doctor’s appointment. I had a funny looking issue with one of my breasts. The doctor agreed and thought she felt a lump. She sent me downstairs for a mammogram and ultrasound. My first mammogram. Alone. I could only worry and feel scared and alone. The ultrasound and mammogram people (techs?) said they both looked clear and not to worry. Apparently a radiologist will read it and get back to me later though.

On Monday Ada will be getting new tubes put in her ears. One is blocked (or has fallen out) and she has had two ear infections in the last month. She’s up all night (I’m up all night). I know it’s a small and quick procedure. We’ve done it once before. But I still worry about her.

My to-do list is piling up. My want-to-do list is never ending. And here I am barely holding it together. My eyes well up with tears at silly radio commercials. My body is exhausted and aching. I know this is all temporary. But I just want to go sleep for the next few days.

Through it all there is so much beauty. I know this. I have so much to be thankful for. I’m just not really there right now.

So there you have the honest truth.

He said “Kel, we need to talk about the budget” and I ran the other direction.

I hate really, really dislike budget talks. Sure I can talk a good talk and say that I’ll just use cash. But when it comes down to it, I use cash and then a little bit of the check card here. Or just this one tiny time the credit card. Or, darn, I really think I need that item there.

All those little purchases add up. And up until this year it wasn’t really a problem. We could count on the husband getting a bonus at work and it would cover most of the little extras.

Until there was no bonus. As in, this year there will be no bonus. As in about 20% of our income not coming in this year.

And cue me freaking out. Searching for a part time job in the evenings. Trying to find a way to make up the money.

And the husband remaining calm. And saying “Just use the cash only!” without realizing how hard that is.

There will be no extra purchases. We can squeak by with the expenses we have now and try to put a little bit into savings in case something big comes up.

And I’m left feeling extremely frustrated. And hopeless. And unable to understand (logically) how this is going to work out.

And the husband says “God will provide.” and I have to just sit with that thought a little longer.

So I’m trying to stay motivated.  I try to stay positive. Some days that is easy. Some days that is hard. But the fact remains that I don’t have a choice.

I put away the apples from the store and I think thank you God for providing our family with enough money to feed ourselves fresh fruit.

I cross off something on the list that isn’t really a need but rather a “want” and I (try to) thank God for teaching me about wants and needs.

I say no to an activity at church that I want to do but costs a lot and there isn’t cash to cover it and I say thank you to God for giving me time with my family.

Things will have to be cut this year. We will be learning to live with less and enjoy more of the things we already have. A good lesson when you can get past being upset about it. I feel like God will keep giving me the same lesson over and over until I learn. I thought we had the budget thing figured out. But we shouldn’t have been counting on that bonus in the first place – it changes in amount every year, and this year even shows us that we might not get it at all. So thank you God for the lesson and the ability to learn again. And again. And again.

At the grocery store with just Ada.

Thoroughly enjoying some sour cream.

Having a snack after nap.

At Bread Oven sharing croissants.

Sleeping (extreme close-up I realize, best I could do one handed).

At the ENT again.

I’ve had a hard time getting excited about a new year starting. The month of December was a bit busy-busy-rush-all-the-time-and-everywhere for us. So the fact that the new year was even starting was kind of not registering for me. And I kind of feel like my “30 while I’m 30″ list is enough of a goal itself.

It is helpful to put it all in one spot though.

1 : Drink water and more of it. This sounds silly maybe, and so easy. But I find on a typical day that I don’t drink any water. And I’m hopeful that my afternoon tiredness is partially from this. I have a Klean Kanteen 27 oz bottle and I would like fill it and drink it three times a day. If I’m drinking enough water I will hopefully not be drinking soda and other not-so-healthy items.

2 : Run the Lincoln Half Marathon. And complete the half marathon. I don’t have a time goal really. I mean, I have a number I would like to come in under. But for my first I am going to set a personal record no matter what. I just want to enjoy it.

3 : Discuss the possibility of a fourth girl joining our family in 2013.

4 : Celebrate more – have friends over for dinner. light candles on the table for lunch on a Tuesday. bring out a bottle of sparkly prosecco for a random dinner. wear the cute clothes. I tend to think you have to have a real reason to celebrate, but every day can be a celebration.

5 : Clean up and clean out – ask myself “if I were moving, would I take this with me?” and donate to thrift. We have so much stuff, and a lot of it we don’t even use.

:: email from a reader – building the motivation to lose weight – I think this applies to motivation in all areas of our lives ::

:: living with children I love this series and this one especially is pretty great ::

:: the truth about your “Dora” chicken noodle soup (I’m sorry) ::

2 : I don’t understand the fad diet/exercise craziness. I’m talking about P90x and Insanity and the Paleo Diet and I could go on and on. These are not lifestyle changes – I mean, P90x is a one-and-a-half hour workout six days a week. Seriously? Who can keep that up for a lifetime? I also recently read The Fat Trap and it really makes you wonder if permanent (extreme) weight loss is possible. I just wish people would treat their bodies with respect. Rest if it tells you to rest. Work out if it tells you to workout. Eat vegetables when you crave them. Have some sweets. I am by no means perfect at this but I’m working at it and hope to get better and better.

2 : I used to get really upset about mom’s who would say “my boy is like this because he is a boy and my girl is like this because she is a girl” when they had one of each. I mean, my girls are all different, and they are all girls. But now I realize that their children being who they are is their reality, do you know what I mean? If they have one boy and one girl and that is how they are and that is how they perceive them, then it is because that is their real life. That is what they know. So I’m backing off now.

3 : I made apple bread again. And then ate it in less than 24 hours. This maybe should go on my list of “things I can not bake for fear that I will eat the whole thing in 24 hours”.

4 : I had tea & a sweet with a friend a few weeks ago. She said something to the effect of “I realized I needed to let go of my own insecurities and not project them onto my children.” and at first I was thinking “I’m NOT insecure” and then I thought “oh yes, I can see that now, I am”. And I thought what she said was brilliant. I don’t need to project my baggage on to them.

5 : And on that note, why is it so hard to make friends as an adult? Maybe it is just me? I have lots of acquaintances, but taking it beyond that is proving difficult for me. Slowly though, I’m finding a group of people who get me.

6 : I had a fun night out with the husband. No kids!

7 : Bella came home:

8 : I really, really want to do Project Life. But the money and the time are really, really not there to make this happen. So I’m not saying ‘never’ but I’m saying ‘not right now’.

9 : This girl amazes me with how big she is all of the sudden. Writing her name. Taking an interest in words and letters more and more (finally, we wait for them to show us an interest. we don’t push it on them while they are little).

10 : And I made this porridge/oatmeal (thanks to all my pinterest friends who pinned it!) and it was good! Very smooth and not chewy like traditional steel-cut oats. Cora loved it, Della wasn’t sure, and the husband and I really liked it too. I added a bit of broken up walnuts on top of mine to give it some crunch.

11 : A bonus number eleven. Lucky you (sarcasm). I made a bucket out of fabric with this maya made burlap bucket pattern. I didn’t have the right fabric but I still really like how it turned out.

We decided to try the “salad in a jar” idea that is/was all over pinterest awhile back. I can’t ever get their search function to work and I can’t find the original post that gave us the idea. I found it here. I also saw it on Peas & Thank You.

So for the last few weeks we have gone to Costco and purchased a huge bag of spinach, cherry/grape tomatoes, and carrots.

We each have our own favorite dressings as well.

And we add beans to the mix – I should be making these from scratch but I just haven’t had the time (or let’s be honest here, the desire) to be doing so lately. We switch it up between black beans and chickpeas.

And then into the jars it goes. Beans & dressing go on the bottom, followed by tomatoes and carrots. Kelly adds cheese sometimes. And then we pack in as much spinach as we can.

I was worried that there wouldn’t be enough spinach in the salad but it makes a great sized salad.

And it is so, so nice to not have to think about lunch! We get home from the school pick-up(s) and I make the girls a sandwich and I dump my salad into a bowl. Lunch is served.

We don’t do this for losing weight. Neither of us is interested in that. I think it originated because we both wanted to get more vegetables in our diet. This is a great way to do it though I think we could add more vegetables to the jar – any ideas?